Could you please fix all these messed things. I hate my self for keeping everything alone. Why cant i tell anybody? Im sick of all these things :(

Dad............

i don't like it. the feeling when i saw her face on your office desk. makes me feel so uncomfortable. do i act like a kid? or maybe am i put my ego in this case? or is it normal? i mean, putting her pic on your desk mean you see that face everyday. how can i trust you're really over it and forgot everything that ever happen with you both. please, don't doubt me with this kind of thing. i love you. but please don't make me think and feel this way. i hate it. so hate it. :(

wow.
i thought today was a scared day before.
but i think im wrong.
wah Jesus, thank you for make it sweet^^

i feel bad.
knowing many people that i thought they're kind, nice, and real..
talking about me behind my back.
trying so hard not to care, but i cant.
im not a bad girl yet bitter
i always try my best to be the best for you guys.
but if its still not enough for you, then what should i do.
those kind of support that i've ever heard, slightly made my smile.
now the question is... is that real?
okay, we are not even close.
okay, we're not know each other that much.
but still, is that an excuse for you to talk like that?
is it me who being so stupid and easily trust what other said?
well, how disappointed i am, still i smiley said "Thank you".

"Orang yang paling kamu harapkan berpotensi paling besar mengecewakan kamu. Berbahagialah orang orang yang senantiasa berharap kepada Tuhan" - Pdt. Romy Matulessi 

Terima kasih atas segalanya yang telah kamu ucapkan.

Terima kasih telah memberiku kesempatan untuk berada disisimu.

Aku bahagia sampai tidak bisa berkata kata.

Im glad you are mine, Sammy :)

Sesungguhnya aku merasakannya dari dua bulan lalu.

Kehadirannya semenjak 8 tahun lalu, membuatku bermimpi indah, perasaan mudah bergejolak, terkadang menangis senang, dan bahkan tertawa sedih.

Aku senang akan kehadirannya. 

Membuatku ingin cepat selesai belajar agar aku bisa melihatnya.

Membuyarkan lamunanku dan mulai membayangkannya.

Menyita separuh hariku dengan memandanginya.

Menarik perhatianku saat berbicara tentangnya.

Menghiasi setiap detikku dengan menyanyikan lagunya.

Namun semuanya kini telah hilang. 

Rasa ini telah hilang.

Memaksa diri dengan memandangi wajahnya dan mendengarkan lagunya.

Senyumku tetap ada. 

Suara merdu yang tidak berubah tetap terdengar nyaman ditelinga. 

Namun tidak sampai dihati.

Aku sedih. Aku merasa aneh. Aku merasa seperti ada yang hilang.

Tapi semua ini terjadi tanpa kuketahui.

Sejenak kutinggalkan dan saat kukembali, semuanya seperti tidak kukenali.

Aku tidak membenci mereka. Aku hanya kehilangan rasa akan mereka.

Terima kasih, 

Telah membuatku merasakan kesetiaan akan jatuh cinta. Siapapun yang berada disisiku saat itu akan kuabaikan apabila suaramu menyapa telingaku.

Terima kasih,

Telah membuatku menyadari indahnya penantian. Karena aku tau kalian yang aku nantikan akan selalu mengagumkan dimataku.

Terima kasih,

Choi Siwon, Choi Sooyoung, dan Kim Jong Dae 💞 yang sempat mengisi hari hari indahku :)

Anw, thank You for the rain. It makes me feel waaaaay better when rains fall. Suddenly mood turn happy^^ 

Oh my first day period :( you stole my 10% mood. Well its okay since i still have another 90% hihi.

Wahhh its been a long time huh, since my very last story. 

I turn my lamp off. Laying down on my bed. My bed that placed in the corner of my super duper nasty messy room. But i cant see anything, because all that i can see is black. haha.

My belly feels a bit sore. 

I play one song, my favorite song named "Revelation Song" with a lil rain backsound. This is really a simply happiness for me.

Grateful grateful so grateful.

Everything i have, everything happen, everything around me, everyone beside me, im so grateful. 

My Jesus, teach me to be a person that You want me to be. Let me grow around Your love.

I surrender all to You. Yes, ALL.

I wont care about anything else but YOU.

I will fight for everything that makes me far from You.

I just want to be with You till the very end.

Wondering, seeing You face to face. How wonderful.

I believe Your kingdom in Heaven is way awesome than a princess kingdom fairytale that i saw in the movie.

Take me there someday :) cant hardly wait! ^^

Dad. I feel bad. Really bad. I dont know why i cry. This tears just fall when i pray to You. When i tell You a story that make sad. Even the story isnt about me. Still im sad. Dad. I know You can do anything. Hear my pray and answer it. I know your plan is way better than anyone's plan. Even in a better time. I saw You did so many miracles to everyone out there, so i trust You can make one for him too. Thank You for everything happen. Thank You for Your lead. I trust You till the very end, my forever God. 

Ten times my brain told me to stop.

Hundred times my heart asking me why.

Thousand words just left unspoken.

This abnormal dizzy :(

If only i could tell people out there that im sick. I wish i could. I really wish i could.

The very lost feeling is missing :(