the last week of the months.
ngga kerasa udah mau sebulan dikantor baru.
terima kasih Tuhan Yesus aku bisa jalanin semuanya.
terima kasih juga atas hari hari yang bahagia.
aku bersyukur atas segala kebaikanMu atas kehidupanku.

Hey blog, long time no see.
i admit it, i only have you to write and tell what i really feel
since i have lost once, and it because my own fault.

I miss rain.
I miss my gloomy day with rain fall, enjoying my me time, spend my precious time for thinking and wondering random things with my own self

What should i do?
My old playlist taking me back to the time when we're not like now.
Even smell of perfume from that foreigner who passed me on the street can easily reminds me of you
Taking a deep breath thousand times and pretends like, yea everything is fine.
Well, i guess. Its only me who thinks too much.

But im pretty sure about the things that comfort me.
I know time will tell.
I will do everything i want, because every second is so precious.
Nothing cant stop me. Nothing.

Mengapa mereka datang disaat aku ingin sendiri?

Mengapa mereka pergi disaat aku ingin bersama mereka?

Tidakkah ada waktu yang tepat bagiku?

Apakah akan selalu seperti ini?

dont come for disturbing.
you never lose your way to confusing me.

 

i have everything if i they're all around me ^^

*Abang and Novi, so sorry :P
cutting you both doesn't mean i didn't love you. peace ^^V

baik dikira suka.
pas nembak, ditolak malah dingin.

baru juga kenal mas, yailah baper sekali ;")

Terima kasih Tuhan Yesus.

Weekdays di minggu ini tidak semenakutkan seperti yang ada didalam imajinasiku sebelumnya.

Karena tuntunanMu semuanya dapat kujalani dengan baik :)

Semoga minggu depan dapat menjadi lebih baik lagi.

Oh ya, dan juga terima kasih atas hujan yang indah sebagai penutup dihari Jumat ini.

Sudah lama sekali aku merindukannya^^

My first day

Today is my first day in a new office 

I won't expect much

I just want my hand clock running faster until 5pm so i can go home and get some sleep 

I should be excited about today but seriously head feels like spinning since I haven't enough sleep few days ago.

Im just too excited and too focus with my last a week holiday 

And thinks like there is no holiday for tomorrow so i spent my time going somewhere far from the place i live.

so now im dizzy and sleepy.

My eyes like really hard to open, watery, and i can see a few red spot in every corner of my eyes.

Now im just sit in a meeting room in first floor for more than hours.

Waiting. Waiting for what i dont know

They haven't prepare my cubicle yet

And everyone is busy with their own business 

I dont know where is the people

Are they late or something 

Because i only see just five or six employee here while they say there is around 20 employees who work here.

Even the only one person i know haven't come yet. My boss, my big boss.

Aaah what to do what to dooo :(

The cold temperature makes me sleepy even more 

I miss my bed. I miss having quality time with my bed.

Huhu and why they just give me a "seadanya" smile when i say good morning to them. Hahaha maybe this is just my baper feeling. Stupid, should they just like said to you "halooooo" with like hebohhh. hahahaha its called pereus :P well, abaikan~

And ah, another thing that stole my mood is

My pimple.

I have one big new pimple near my corner bottom lip

And im not lying, this is so hurt. 

I realize this is because my own fault -_-

Im lazy to wash my face and put the night cream because im just too sleepy after having a long trip for a whole day.

Randomly wondering my old office and the employees 

What are they doing now. How many job they did today. How was the last monthly seminar. Huh suddenly miss them. Since i have nothing to do here.

Well, anyway those "semangat" words from Sammy and Lenty just made my day. Hihi i feel like smiling after reading those words. Yeay, semangattt!!!

Ups wait, somebody call my name. Catch ya soon! Bubbye~

Being nice with everyone is not as easy as you think
Sometimes you need to sacrifice a lot
Your time, your money, even your feeling
But never mind, because a smile from people i love
is my best favorite view.

When everyone seems getting closer to You, idk why i feel like im the only one who is getting so far from You, and i dont know what to do.
feels like empty inside but dont know how to fulfill.
God, dont leave me.
My heart aching
i couldnt do anything.
Strengthen me.
Feed me more.
I feel like, lost.

 a blanket could be used to hide my shame and cover up my insecurities.

at least i've tried to enjoy my last few hours here.

Have you ever being mad with your own self ?

22 Juli 15

Jam menunjukan pukul 10 malam

Aku baru saja tiba dirumah setelah 3 hari aku tidak tinggal dirumah

Aku menginap di rumah salah satu sahabatku tempat dimana kami biasa berkumpul.

Kami berempat sengaja menghabiskan waktu bersama karena 2 dari kami akan pergi untuk beberapa bulan kedepan.

Aku bahagia. Aku sangat menyayangi sahabatku.

Sayang memang butuh pengorbanan yang besar, bukan hanya kepada kekasih saja,

namun kepada sahabat.

Ingin rasanya aku membelah badanku sendiri, bahkan dua tidak cukup.

Disaat yang bersamaan temanku yang pernah kuceritakan menjalankan operasi pengangkatan tumor jinaknya. Dan disaat kami berbicara ditelepon, sambil ia menceritakan kisah operasinya percakapn kami diselingi dengan ajakannya untuk datang.

Hati seperti tersayat ingin sekali bertemu langsung.

Dan disaat yang bersamaan juga, Papi mengirim pesan mengajak makan malam karena Ia tidak ada yang menemani makan. 

Sedih :( 

Aku ingin sekali menemani Papi. Ia sudah tua, setiap detik waktu bersamanya bagiku sangat berharga.

Disisi lain aku sedang bersama dengan sahabatku yang semakin hari, waktu bertemu kami sangat jarang dikarenakan kesibukan masing masing.

Semua bagiku prioritas.

Sungguh buta. Aku bahkan tidak tau mana yang harus kudahulukan.

Namun aku telah memilih bersama sahabatku. 

Tetapi tetap saja aku merasa bersalah terhadap Papi dan juga Oliv :(

i dont know what's with me today.

i just feel kinda flat.

im not sad, but not happy as well.

lose excited for all things.

i need mood booster.

but i dont know what exactly i want.

even my favorite playlist cant fix all these feelings.

after seeing my lovely bestfriend, i should be happy.

for my last 3 days here, i should be sad.

and for every lovely thing happen, i should be grateful.

but still, i feel flat.